Tag Archives: transition

Goodbyes and Hellos

31 Dec

Hello 2014I bid 2013 a spirited farewell. It’s been a series of failures on a path to accomplishments. The lows and the highs bring new light to 2014 and I’m eager to embark even new trails.

As I say prayers for me, I say prayers for you. May your goodbyes bring you a wealth of hellos.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

And So It Begins!

17 Nov

A writer. Who would’ve believed? I surely never did.

A blog. When thoughts transformed into words, an opening began.

A dream. A series of books…life lessons from my heart, eventually to include other writer’s stories as well.

A book. My first! The beginning of a dream come true.

I proudly and enthusiastically present…

The Evolution of a Stir - Front Cover

It tells of my journey…a series of revelations that began a process of change. Each a short story, each a life lesson, each prodding me forward.

With a limited number of print books available*, get yours now! One of those life lessons may speak just to you!

Click here for more information and purchase!

 

Tuned In

29 Sep

The beginning of a recent drive, a song resounded from the radio. As I sang along, I absorbed each and every word. And oh how timely. “I can see clearly now the rain is gone”.

As some of you know, I was unemployed for several months. My own doing, a resignation brought on by discontent and the desire for something better. The hope of something better was far higher than my reality. Riding a roller coaster of emotions…from fear, anger, and doubt…to peace, resolve, and drive; I stayed dazed with confusion.

Stepping out of the boat, one of my hopes was that a miraculous door would open. I have certainly knocked on enough to qualify, but the break wasn’t forthcoming.

A recent occurrence, I now have steady income…a job in accounting, but it’s a means not an opportunity. I have come to realize it’s not others that will provide those…it is me. I have my miracle and I had it all along. It’s inside me…the beautiful peace that comes from realizing my own potential.

I’m no longer knocking on doors; I’m going through them.

“It’s gonna be a bright…bright sunshiny day.”

Stay tuned…

Either Or

25 Aug

They had it narrowed down to two. I was one of them. My references were checked. I had a second interview. This was a fifty/fifty shot, the best chances thus far.

I was ready. Decisions prematurely made…no book, no blog. No attempts in social media to market my writing. I would let go what I’d built over the last year. Ready to ditch it all for steady employment…the eight to five, live for the weekend kind of income. It’s what I know. It’s my comfort zone.

I’m out of my comfort zone now…the furthest I’ve ever been…financially, mentally, spiritually. I claim that in the most positive way and I credit the cathartic process from writing. Never naïve enough to believe my words could truly make a living, but it has been the one thing I ponder. Could a passion that makes your heart pound actually provide that source?

The logical approach…get a job and keep writing, but for some reason I can’t get the two worlds to mesh. Every time, when on the verge of getting a job in my old world, I’m certain to give up writing and the pursuit of publishing. It just feels simpler that way. My head, as well as my heart, just can’t get them to go together.

And every time, with each rejection, for just a minute it knocks me down, then it pushes me…to writing. It pushes me to think about going all in…really pursue it…as if my financial, mental, and spiritual life depends on it.

The fifty/fifty shot didn’t come through. The all too familiar snub…once again a facilitator.

Perhaps that’s exactly what it’s meant to be, because maybe, just maybe…I’m meant to write.

Happy Anniversary to Me!

3 Jul

It’s been one year since my epiphany…the epiphany to write, and the spiritual voyage that ensued. It’s been a roller coaster of emotions, most of them high, but it’s been one of healing and transformation. My spirit dark and weary has grown to a place that sees light at the end of a long tunnel. I’m still traveling that tunnel and it’s very narrow at times. Questioning my God, my prayers, my path, and my choices, but I’ve come so far.

Still unclear where that light leads, it’s guiding me through the darkness. From rage, fear, and doubts to confidence, determination, and peace; I continue my journey. I can’t wait to see where anniversary number two has me!

Lightning Bugs and Beer

15 May

It’s been eleven years…and still when I see his picture, I get a pit in my stomach, a lump in my throat, and my mind fills with what ifs.

A recent dig through the photo box prompted his return. He was a great love in my life and I miss what we shared.

One of our first dates was atop a picnic table several miles from the city.  With a spectacular view of the night sky, we shared stories, a cooler of beer, and stolen glances.  Against the backdrop of a darkened field, an immeasurable show of lightning bugs graced our presence.  What an incredible setting it was!

We shared more moments of splendor, yet our paths deviated from similar. He in his life, and I in my own, we lay those celebrations behind us.

As day comes, the light from the fire fly grows dim. In the bright of day, it does not exist, yet the flickers of their illumination still linger in my mind.

Texas Two Step

23 Jan

Two steps forward, one step back.

Growth doesn’t always make a straight and narrow path.  Often it is met with resistance.  A negative thought, a naysayers comment, a minor snafu can set you back.  Leaving a job without my future laid out for me…originally exciting, initially uplifting, then panic ensues.  I have to remember the confidence that allowed me to make that leap.  And that confidence was born of faith.

They say it’s always darkest before the dawn.  They say you are closest to your victory when you face the greatest opposition.  They say the devil works hardest when God’s the closest.

Do I believe?  I have to!  Why should that faith I so boldly wrote about a few weeks ago be any less today?  Because I know…two steps forward, one step back is progress.  And with that, I’ll continue my dance.

Life Waiting

2 Jan

Let-GoI made the last drive home…letting go of my job of sixteen years.  Initially it seemed like the others, and then in a moment, the sky appeared larger, brighter, and full of possibilities.  It was as if the world was coming towards me in a positive light rather than a gaping hole of negatives.  Those negatives, actually positives in the big picture…a realization that 2012 was a prelude to the rest of my life.

What a year…a year of discovery, healing, and transition.  I have felt my life shift from the depths of depression to a joy filled awakening.  I have realized a gift and gained a confidence unlike any other I have known.

The turning point…writing.  It has enlightened, inspired, and empowered me.

So I begin.  I begin the life that was waiting for me all along.

A Time to Hibernate

23 Dec

I have long had a disdain for winter. Ample sun, bare feet, and warm temperatures normally trump a bitter cold day.

This year is different.  Many things in my life are changing, and my renewed self is seeing the positive in the once negative.  A time for hibernation has come…a time to store up for spring.  As I enter into my new life, I view this as a season to write.

While I hibernate in my winter, I will awake in my spring.

Tears…

19 Dec

TearTears of sadness for the children, their protectors, and their families.

Tears of joy for the outpouring of love around the world.

Tears of sadness for the conclusion of a long career.

Tears of joy for my path to new beginnings.

Tears of sadness for pain my mother has endured.

Tears of joy for the courageous fight she has in her.

Tears…lots and lots of tears.

Leap of Courage

17 Dec

I often listen to God music…truly music for the soul.  Today I heard “Courageous” by Casting Crowns. Not the first time I have heard it, but this morning it spoke to me in a different way. The words “we were made to be courageous” …a potent message for my current situation.

What is courage?  It is most definitely in those that defend our freedom.  Assuredly it is those everyday heroes who fight fires and man our streets with protection.  It is in the determination of those faced with life altering health issues.  A different kind of courage for different reasons, it is the occasional smaller acts in our daily lives that courage prevails.

For my own reasons, I have been graced with the courage to leave what has provided my financial stability.  An explicable desire to live life on different terms than most recent, I have taken a leap.  Call it a leap of faith…I also call it a leap of courage.

I gave my notice today.  Two weeks and I will no longer have the security of my job of sixteen years. The spirit draining employment I have known will be no longer.  For the first time in my life, I have no backup other than a whole lot of faith and a little bit of courage.

As I think of that song, I pray…”thank you Lord for making me courageous”.  I know it will take me places I have never been!

Celebrate Life!

12 Dec
Celebrate Life! - the musical

Celebrate Life! – the musical

Clad in matronly aproned dresses, as if going to a pilgrim’s feast, I stood with others on stage.   The church musical, Celebrate Life…a glorious presentation in song.  This, the highlight of my religious years…a time of youth group, choir, and summer outings.

I studied the bible.  I was baptized.  I held other’s hands and prayed, but that faith we so often discussed…a miniscule part of my life.  While church was large in my life, my spirit immature and naïve.

During those times, a solid foundation was laid for my life as a Christian.  One of the songs, The Truth Shall Make You Free, still echoes clearly in my head.  And the truth is…I get it now.  All the teachings, all the praise, and all the fellowship…a slow build that brought me to the very spiritual place I now reside.  Although I do not attend regular church services, my relationship with God is stronger than any other time in my life.   I am living in faith and the blessings bestowed.

Always a believer, but now I feel Him.  He is truly the wind I soar on, the mountain I climb to and with Him, I…Celebrate Life!

Hear it on You Tube…The Truth Shall Make You Free

The Ants Come Marching In

9 Dec

It’s 1:30 in the morning.  My son just woke me up from a deep sleep to tell me we have an ant infestation in the kitchen.  Ugh.  Couldn’t it have waited until morning?  I mean, seven or eight o’clock morning.

Groggily, I put out the ant bait and retreat to bed once more.  And then…it gets me.  Reality.  Coming off a writer’s high, this brought me down and threatens to take me out.  Am I in fantasy land or the real world with this writing stuff?  Fairy tale or realism?  Visions of sugar plums or pesky insects?

Those darn ants are messing with my head.  They remind me that no matter how spiritual, or soulful, or optimistic I may be…there are always ants.  So in this complex head of mine, I ponder the chicken or the egg debate.  Without a chicken there couldn’t be an egg?  Or was it the other way around?  Oh wait, that’s the wrong debate.

Go away ants.  I’m tired of all this clucking.  And come on tomorrow…I feel the need to write.

 

The Advantage of Trains

5 Dec

I am often amazed at the differences in people.  One of note lately is how others react to a train interrupting their commute.  On a less traveled side street to and from work, the train tracks are often occupied, more often on my route home.  As the crossing bars take their place in keeping cars at bay, I take my place in wait.

While others scour, do hasty U-turns, and inch their way in anticipation, I choose to savor the disruption.  I take in the sky, noting as clouds make their passage.  In observation, I watch as grasses cower to the wind.  Of late, the sunset offers its orange glow amid each fleeting railcar.  I relish the moment of pause and the sounds become a joyful noise.

That intrusion into others’ time has become a valued inclusion in mine.

Of Faith, Love, and Rattlesnakes

21 Oct

We were on a mission…mission unknown to me, but hand in hand we walked.  We trekked through that pasture, over the unevenness, having to watch each step before we took another.  Unsure of the destination, I knew he loved me and I trusted his course.

His instructions…walk lightly, take small steps, and look straight ahead.  I began to feel apprehension build as he guided me.  Over the rocks, over those crevices, and to the peak of that terrain…we were there.  Still unclear exactly where there was…more instructions ensued.  “Hold my hand tight, do not let go, and be still.”

“Now look down.”

My breath stopped, my heart raced, and my eyes widened.   In those crevices we had maneuvered…hundreds of rattlesnakes lay still beneath us!  He felt me tighten and gripped my hand stronger.  He reminded me to trust him.  And I did.

“Now look up.”

In awe, I took in the beauty and I felt the reward.  We stood on top of that hill…a view of triumph and grandeur.   With poison just below our feet, we had prevailed.  My fear now subsided, we stood high and proud and accomplished…and still he held my hand.

Never alone could I have done that.  Only with the guidance born of love and trust could I have made that trek.  I wonder where my path is taking me now.  As God is holding my hand, I step over rocks.  In whatever form He chooses, I trust I will stand on that hill once again.

October!

3 Oct

My favorite month…October! A welcome reprieve from the staunch heaviness of summer, my once inert body is suddenly transformed with vigor and spry.

Truly a month when I feel Fall most…from the changing of the leaves to football that pits team against team. It is hot air balloons and strolls in the park. It is a time for transition, a move to clean up the in and put up the out. It is that bit of bliss wedged between the seasons of distinction. It is the month I treasure the most.

The Beginning

28 Sep

Defined as a diary online, a blog is a frequently updated personal journal, intended for public viewing.  Just as in life, it is what you make it.  I define mine as purpose…an arena to become that something I have never known.

With faith, courage, and determination, I delve into the world of writing.   While I seek publishing in other forums, writing here will allow me to share my passion more readily. Expressing myself through words, in my way, I invite you along the journey.

In this season of change, as the leaves begin their transition, I begin mine.

May your soul stir…

 

 

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