Tag Archives: self discovery

Goodbyes and Hellos

31 Dec

Hello 2014I bid 2013 a spirited farewell. It’s been a series of failures on a path to accomplishments. The lows and the highs bring new light to 2014 and I’m eager to embark even new trails.

As I say prayers for me, I say prayers for you. May your goodbyes bring you a wealth of hellos.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Learning to Grow

9 Dec

Excel spreadsheets. That I knew. Word documents. Not so much.

I could use bold, cut, paste, and even highlight, but now I was a writer and it was time to know more. My dream of publishing a book required more knowledge and a massive list of to-dos.

But the things I had begun to list…most of them, foreign. Copyright, trademark, ISBN, bar code, cover design, formatting, marketing. What’s a domain? And how do I get one? What does print ready really mean? What’s the difference between publisher and printer? Library of Congress? Books in Print? Really? REALLY?

So, wide-eyed and curious beget an expedition to learn. If I didn’t know it, I looked it up. Thank goodness for Google, website forums, and help menus! I read and read. I played and maneuvered and practiced; until I felt it was enough. I borrowed my well-read daughter to edit and I contracted a home town book binder to print. With a near nothing budget, I proceeded.

And I did it. And I’m proud.

My first book delivered and my first book is worthy. It may never make it to a brick and mortar bookstore, but it’s worthy. It’s my building block and foundation for more.

How about you? What is that aspiration you’ve yet to conquer? If you’ve read my book “I opened to voices that said yes and rebelled to those that said no” you’ll understand how I got here. And those voices can help you learn to grow too!

Visit the Bookstore to read The Evolution of a Stir!

 

And So It Begins!

17 Nov

A writer. Who would’ve believed? I surely never did.

A blog. When thoughts transformed into words, an opening began.

A dream. A series of books…life lessons from my heart, eventually to include other writer’s stories as well.

A book. My first! The beginning of a dream come true.

I proudly and enthusiastically present…

The Evolution of a Stir - Front Cover

It tells of my journey…a series of revelations that began a process of change. Each a short story, each a life lesson, each prodding me forward.

With a limited number of print books available*, get yours now! One of those life lessons may speak just to you!

Click here for more information and purchase!

 

Tuned In

29 Sep

The beginning of a recent drive, a song resounded from the radio. As I sang along, I absorbed each and every word. And oh how timely. “I can see clearly now the rain is gone”.

As some of you know, I was unemployed for several months. My own doing, a resignation brought on by discontent and the desire for something better. The hope of something better was far higher than my reality. Riding a roller coaster of emotions…from fear, anger, and doubt…to peace, resolve, and drive; I stayed dazed with confusion.

Stepping out of the boat, one of my hopes was that a miraculous door would open. I have certainly knocked on enough to qualify, but the break wasn’t forthcoming.

A recent occurrence, I now have steady income…a job in accounting, but it’s a means not an opportunity. I have come to realize it’s not others that will provide those…it is me. I have my miracle and I had it all along. It’s inside me…the beautiful peace that comes from realizing my own potential.

I’m no longer knocking on doors; I’m going through them.

“It’s gonna be a bright…bright sunshiny day.”

Stay tuned…

Happy Anniversary to Me!

3 Jul

It’s been one year since my epiphany…the epiphany to write, and the spiritual voyage that ensued. It’s been a roller coaster of emotions, most of them high, but it’s been one of healing and transformation. My spirit dark and weary has grown to a place that sees light at the end of a long tunnel. I’m still traveling that tunnel and it’s very narrow at times. Questioning my God, my prayers, my path, and my choices, but I’ve come so far.

Still unclear where that light leads, it’s guiding me through the darkness. From rage, fear, and doubts to confidence, determination, and peace; I continue my journey. I can’t wait to see where anniversary number two has me!

Lightning Bugs and Beer

15 May

It’s been eleven years…and still when I see his picture, I get a pit in my stomach, a lump in my throat, and my mind fills with what ifs.

A recent dig through the photo box prompted his return. He was a great love in my life and I miss what we shared.

One of our first dates was atop a picnic table several miles from the city.  With a spectacular view of the night sky, we shared stories, a cooler of beer, and stolen glances.  Against the backdrop of a darkened field, an immeasurable show of lightning bugs graced our presence.  What an incredible setting it was!

We shared more moments of splendor, yet our paths deviated from similar. He in his life, and I in my own, we lay those celebrations behind us.

As day comes, the light from the fire fly grows dim. In the bright of day, it does not exist, yet the flickers of their illumination still linger in my mind.

SELL SELL SELL

1 May

I have a friend on Facebook…his usual post “SELL, SELL, SELL”.

There is a difference between my friend and me.  He is a salesman.  I am not.  I’ve always shied away from any type of peddling.  Of the opinion that salesman were vile creatures looking to sell snake oil, I wanted no part of that.  Perhaps my view has changed.

Before beginning this blog, an epiphany to write became the catalyst.  A story in itself, one of healing and spiritual awakening, I imagined this could somehow blossom into more.  Through hours of varied research, I’ve learned in lieu of a bestselling novel, to make a living you must supplement with speaking engagements, newsletters, or some type of innovative promo.  Just as marketing is not my forte, neither is speaking.   I began writing as often my words flow better on paper than from my tongue.

With articles submitted for publishing, I realize that path is a difficult one.  A story is stirred from my heart, not my pocketbook.  Substantial attempts to promote are not in my nature, as neither is writing on demand, but

My writing has a purpose.  Still unclear exactly why, this I know…it has its place.  I’m trying to discern…where I fit, where I don’t.  I do have a gift for seeing a story in the mundane and the inordinate.   I am confident my words are worthy…the context, the message, the delivery.

Although I may not be a salesman, I do have something to offer.  But rather than snake oil, I sell bits of inspiration.  I hope you’re looking to buy!

The View Beyond

20 Mar

Looking out the window from my desk strategically placed for the view, I realize…this too shall change.  The leaves soon to bud, impeding my view to the sky.  As anxious as I am for spring, I dread the confinement the new leaves offer.

In my journey of self-discovery, I observed countless settings in which I felt trapped.  I felt a physical strangulation, like hands around my neck choking the breath from me.

It’s odd how the mundane condition of our day brings about the complex condition of our mind.  Then I ponder…perhaps it’s not odd at all, perhaps just a way to remind us of what we, as individuals, need.  I need a window.  I need a view.  I need a horizon.

There is something about the expanse and limitless the blue sky provides…a window to opportunity, to love, and to acceptance.  The frankness in the beauty represents that for me.

Notwithstanding the obstruction, this I know…the sky with its infinite possibilities lies always just beyond the leaves.

Dog Days

6 Mar

Sitting across the living room, playing lovingly with his dog, I asked my son “how long will he live?”  Of course his answer was a mere smallness compared to the life we expect of ourselves.  Seeing the adoration and love they offer one another, I questioned how he would deal with the eventual hurt.  His answer “I would rather have a few great years with him, then none without.  All the love is worth all the loss”.

Realizing now I was looking for the heartache, anticipating the inevitable.  Is that how I approach emotional involvement?  Rather than see the beauty in the gift, I see the trauma in the loss?  What a dismal view!

I have come a long way…in wisdom, in perspective, in outlook; but perhaps the void of love in my life is a perfect way to avoid pain.  Have I done this to myself?  Have I shirked the possibility anticipating a negative outcome?

It seems I have some reflecting to do, after all…pain is a price, but love is priceless.

List, Lists, Listing, Listings

27 Feb

Lists

I inherited this from my mom…keeping a list.  I constantly make them. In high school, instead of doodle, I’d make a list…a list of states, a list of state capitols, a list of professional football teams.

Currently, I have a…

Wish List
To Do List
Bucket List
Grocery List
Things I am Grateful For List
List of Ex-Boyfriends
List of must haves for a current boyfriend (precisely why I have a List of Ex-Boyfriends)

And I have another list…a list of ABC’s…positive words describing who I am.  The operative word is positive.  It’s easy to list all the negatives but sometimes it takes more effort to realize the good we have in all of us.

Analytical
Bright
Classy
Determined
Encouraging
Faithful
Graceful
Hopeful
Inspiring
Joyful
Kindhearted
Loving
Meaningful
Notable
Optimistic
Playful
Quiet
Ready
Strong
Trustworthy
Unique
Veracious
Writer
X-cited
Yearning
Zealous

Do it…make your own ABC list…positives only!

The Colors in My Closet

30 Jan

The Colors in My Closet

Neurotically placed by their color they hung.  The hues of purple, meticulously grouped by size, shape, and season.  Then others…green, yellow, white, black, and red.  These were my clothes, all lined perfectly as I entered my closet.

As I aged, I no longer saw them the same. Ample light could not distinguish the differences.  They all blended together unseen.  Those beautiful lost clothes in my closet that never got worn.

One day, with no time to sort those freshly cleaned, I hastily placed them mingled.  It was then I realized I could see each more clearly.  Out of my usual, I repositioned them all.  Those beautiful lost clothes now became new.  Each unique and diverse, my wardrobe had expanded.

Perhaps our life is similar.  Perhaps our uniqueness and diversity should stand out rather than blend.

How are the colors in your closet?

Firsts!

9 Jan

Just as we record our firsts as children, we should record them as adults.  That wasn’t clear to me, until as a fifty-something, I realized how many new things I was experiencing…

First dog “New Love” – May 2012

First blood donation – June 2012

First major life epiphany “Born to Write?” – July 2012

First submission for publishing – August 2012

First time to read a blog – September 2012

First poem “Dear Daughter” – October 2012

First major leap of faith “Leap of Courage” – December 2012

First tweet! – January 2013

And as I reflect over those firsts, I see a new batch just yearning for record.  I have never, but I will…

…be officially published

…eat at the Beehive

…explore Big Bend National Park

…work the front line of a natural disaster

…attend the Albuquerque Balloon Festival

…participate in a charity walk

…write the lyrics to a song

…zip line!

What will be your next first?

Life Waiting

2 Jan

Let-GoI made the last drive home…letting go of my job of sixteen years.  Initially it seemed like the others, and then in a moment, the sky appeared larger, brighter, and full of possibilities.  It was as if the world was coming towards me in a positive light rather than a gaping hole of negatives.  Those negatives, actually positives in the big picture…a realization that 2012 was a prelude to the rest of my life.

What a year…a year of discovery, healing, and transition.  I have felt my life shift from the depths of depression to a joy filled awakening.  I have realized a gift and gained a confidence unlike any other I have known.

The turning point…writing.  It has enlightened, inspired, and empowered me.

So I begin.  I begin the life that was waiting for me all along.

My World Expanded

30 Dec

Over the holidays, a discussion arose with my sister regarding this blog experience.  We talked of mine, then she went on to ask what other blogs I follow and what they offer.  I tried to explain the diversity, expanse of horizons, and exposure of more lessons learned.

I have read words of inspiration, humor, and mindless jabber.  I have peered into other’s lives and others have peeked into mine.  I have mulled over writings to emulate and those I would prefer not.  I have trekked through mountains, watched sea turtles, and walked the streets of Manhattan.  I have laughed, cried, and adored.

My journey through blogging has opened my mind and my world and taken me to places I could only dream of.  In light of my now expanded realm, some of those positive experiences thus far…

  • Rhythms of Grace – I was encouraged to bloom wherever God sends my seed, thanks to Karen’s ever positive posts.
  • Words of Nelle – I too came out of the writers’ closet…on the same day as Nelle! Although our background and presentation is a bit different, I see a similarity in our thoughts.
  • Your Life. BETTER. – Through Cheryl, I read ways to increase my happiness.
  • LUGGAGE Lady – I exhaled in the face of panic and self-doubt, right along with the Luggage Lady.
  • 4th Smith Girl –  A lifelong friend has encouraged, reminisced, and shared family stories.
  • Red Road Diaries – I traveled vicariously in an RV caravan through the Baja of Mexico.
  • Mind Margins – I met a kindred soul who cherishes the vastness of the West.
  • CANDYCOATEDREALITY – Tell, show, and do! Truly inspiration for what lies in my near future.
  • Mid Life Meg – Experiencing the highs of new love right along with Meg. And she makes me laugh!
  • The Musings of a Life – Bev inspired me to let go of my past and embrace the now.
  • GinGetz.com – Words of wisdom from a fellow middle-ager and her adventures and photos in the high mountains.
  • meanderest – I caught up to Lorie’s journey and I am inspired! I too have contemplated just going to see where I fit best. With a little over a year before my slate is clear, I might just do it!
  • lynnecobb – I was reminded that with age comes wisdom…and was double dog dared to unearth and share my God-given gift.
  • Why I Love West Texas – West Texas! Enough said.
  • Going to the Sea – Through Erin’s words, I have been inspired to keep going forward, even when my limb is shaking.
  • freedom follies – I found someone in mutual need of a good scream.
  • WRITER IN TRAINING – Yet another aspiring writer…possibly I can learn from Gwen, as well as see her progression.
  • suehealy – A connection to someone who certainly knows more in the writing world…a virtual mentor.
  • Author McCloskey Speaks – I danced along through new adventures in dating.

I wonder where I’m headed next?

I Thank You

20 Nov

To My Readers,

In my brief time here, I have been blessed beyond measure.  It was my hope that my writings would touch someone in some way.  My intent to provoke a thought, stir a soul, ignite a passion, or lift a spirit has been acknowledged in varying forms.

But for me, the cathartic process has been exponentially rewarding.  That selfless act that gives my life fulfillment is really not so selfless after all.

It absolutely warms my heart to know I make a difference, in whatever so small way.  To each of you, I thank you for your interest, support, and words of encouragement.  My own soul has stirred…more than you know.

Cindy

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