Tag Archives: healing

Love Lessons

10 Mar

it's a...MAY YOUR SOUL STIR Monday! A

He was skittish and detached. A stand in the doorway, a hint of departure, a trivial unaccustomed noise; all invoked violent fits of barking.

As my daughter returned for a temporary stay, he was welcomed as well. Dogs are special creatures, this one no different, with personality and feelings and fears. Not unlike that of humans, his haunts of a past life, characterized his manners.

He was a rescue dog, in every sense of the word. In a congested parking lot, soaked from the rain and soiled from his own feces, he was saved. Blessed with a new life, he still suffered old wounds. He needed time and he needed love.

Eventually he warmed up, coming next to me for closeness. The barking fits, diminished. The wary, reduced.

He’s taught me a lot about myself, about my daughter, and about others. But the thing I’ve learned most…if we all received the offerings of love, patience, and compassion shown this animal; we could heal too.

 

A Night Before Christmas

23 Dec

Twas a night before Christmas
And I just had to believe,
That Santa was listening,
And would soon bring reprieve.

From the hungry, the lonely,
And the grieving ones too.
To the liars, and cheaters,
That they would find truth.

As we hustle and bustle,
It would help us to know,
That our life is to cherish,
And our pace would soon slow.

With bright lights and candles,
We’ve embellished our homes,
The stairwells, the mantles,
And the roofs high and low.

For the season of magic,
And all things we adorn,
Is celebrating the night
Of when Jesus was born.

MERRY CHRISTMAS Y’ALL!

And So It Begins!

17 Nov

A writer. Who would’ve believed? I surely never did.

A blog. When thoughts transformed into words, an opening began.

A dream. A series of books…life lessons from my heart, eventually to include other writer’s stories as well.

A book. My first! The beginning of a dream come true.

I proudly and enthusiastically present…

The Evolution of a Stir - Front Cover

It tells of my journey…a series of revelations that began a process of change. Each a short story, each a life lesson, each prodding me forward.

With a limited number of print books available*, get yours now! One of those life lessons may speak just to you!

Click here for more information and purchase!

 

Happy Anniversary to Me!

3 Jul

It’s been one year since my epiphany…the epiphany to write, and the spiritual voyage that ensued. It’s been a roller coaster of emotions, most of them high, but it’s been one of healing and transformation. My spirit dark and weary has grown to a place that sees light at the end of a long tunnel. I’m still traveling that tunnel and it’s very narrow at times. Questioning my God, my prayers, my path, and my choices, but I’ve come so far.

Still unclear where that light leads, it’s guiding me through the darkness. From rage, fear, and doubts to confidence, determination, and peace; I continue my journey. I can’t wait to see where anniversary number two has me!

Lightning Bugs and Beer

15 May

It’s been eleven years…and still when I see his picture, I get a pit in my stomach, a lump in my throat, and my mind fills with what ifs.

A recent dig through the photo box prompted his return. He was a great love in my life and I miss what we shared.

One of our first dates was atop a picnic table several miles from the city.  With a spectacular view of the night sky, we shared stories, a cooler of beer, and stolen glances.  Against the backdrop of a darkened field, an immeasurable show of lightning bugs graced our presence.  What an incredible setting it was!

We shared more moments of splendor, yet our paths deviated from similar. He in his life, and I in my own, we lay those celebrations behind us.

As day comes, the light from the fire fly grows dim. In the bright of day, it does not exist, yet the flickers of their illumination still linger in my mind.

Path to a Friend

6 Feb

I had never met her.  Only from his words of love and adoration, did I have a sense of who she was.

He…a dear friend that lost his life in a fishing accident…was someone special.  He had many friends and united in grief, we muddled through the pain.  After a week of deep emotions and wistful tributes, the silence became a dim cavity of devotion.

I wrote her a letter…his mom.  He spoke so proud and preciously of her, I knew she had to know.  With tears for a woman I had never met, I mailed my heartfelt words.

Months later, still reeling in the pain, I felt a need to revisit the church in which his service was held.  And I felt a need to meet her.

I made my way to the church, trying diligently to keep the tears inside.  A bit early, I paused to look at various pictures on the wall.   A sweet elderly lady asked if she could help me.  I timidly declined.

Making my way to the back of the sanctuary, I took my seat.  I saw the music director who sang at his service, a beautiful accolade in song.   His perch on the raised platform reminded me.  Although the church was large and much space between us, the director felt compelled to come speak with me.  I was a stranger, yet something drew him to me.  I told him who I was and why I was present.  He now pointed to the sweet lady that had approached me in the hall.  That was her.

A bit into the service, I stared into the stained glass to refrain from tears,  just as I had during the memorial service.  But it was too much, too reminiscent of that day.  Feeling the tears flow, I made a quiet exit through the back doors.  As I fled down the hall, I heard someone call my name.  As if she knew me, it was her.

We, these strangers, had now become friends.  In an immediate and unknowable way, we embraced…no words, no explanation…just tears.

That day began a bond of a sweet and perfect friendship.  Although it’s been years since, we carry a place in our hearts…for him, and for each other.  No doubt that day, heaven was directing our paths.

Two Chairs

16 Jan

I had two chairs on my patio.  I noticed when I sat in one chair; I dwelled on the negative. I contemplated all the ills this world has dealt.  My pity consumed me and I was dark and weak.

In the other, I thought of the positive.  I thought of the opportunities waiting and saw grace in the small and large.  I was confident, strong, and content.

It was my choice…and I began to sit in the positive chair regularly.  My outlook became enthusiastic and my demeanor joyful.

And then…a freak accident.  The negative chair burned.  No option but to toss it away.  So along with the chair, I tossed my dark and weak self.  Only the positive remains.

Coincidence?  I think not.

Toss the Negative!

Toss the Negative!

Firsts!

9 Jan

Just as we record our firsts as children, we should record them as adults.  That wasn’t clear to me, until as a fifty-something, I realized how many new things I was experiencing…

First dog “New Love” – May 2012

First blood donation – June 2012

First major life epiphany “Born to Write?” – July 2012

First submission for publishing – August 2012

First time to read a blog – September 2012

First poem “Dear Daughter” – October 2012

First major leap of faith “Leap of Courage” – December 2012

First tweet! – January 2013

And as I reflect over those firsts, I see a new batch just yearning for record.  I have never, but I will…

…be officially published

…eat at the Beehive

…explore Big Bend National Park

…work the front line of a natural disaster

…attend the Albuquerque Balloon Festival

…participate in a charity walk

…write the lyrics to a song

…zip line!

What will be your next first?

Nevertheless

6 Jan

In the wee morning hours, with a broken heart, an empty bed, and the light of my television, I wrote. Reveling in the aftermath of a break-up, I searched for closure. The significance of the man is no longer, but the importance of this writing still lingers.  One of his last words to me, “nevertheless”, prompted me to reveal my thoughts on paper. It was then I knew I could use words for healing. 

As is, unedited and imperfect, I present my first writing.   Who could know that five years later, I would begin a public endeavor doing just that.  I thank him.

“Nevertheless”

Life, with its twists and turns, does not always present itself to our liking…

I know that people come in and out of our lives for a reason. For those that choose to stay, I cherish. For those that walk away…there is a reason, although sometimes I do not understand. I do know that a diamond in our possession is a precious stone. In someone else’s it is just a thing of envy. Being envious of something just brings ourselves discontent. Instead we should choose to be grateful for those things that are around us and let go of the things that slip through our grasp.

I know I am responsible for some of the things that slip through my fingers, others I am not – they are beyond my control. I realize that in some moments of personal anguish, I speak or act hastily, thereby hurting the people I love most and pushing them away. I wish I could have the moments back when I was wrong, but at forty-six, I am still learning the whys and how comes and strive to fix the things that matter most. Sometimes I have a resolution, other times I do not. I will forever be a work in progress and I make no apologies for that, rather I feel proud of the small accomplishments I continually make and strive for.

Sometimes you just have to let go to release your pain and move ahead. In the aftermath of a divorce, someone told a story of a woman falling off a cliff that in desperation clung to a small branch to hold for dear life. In the darkness, she knew only to cling to that, but in the light of day realized that had she not struggled so and let go, there was a ledge just beneath her feet that would have caught her fall. I am releasing my grasp. It only causes pain and stagnation. I know that I will fall, but the duration of the fall will be shorter than I expect.

I will never say good-bye to my past; instead use it as a tool for learning. I do have a future. I know not what it brings, only that it will provide me joy and sorrow. Joy to be savored and sorrow for lessons learned.

Find a path and enjoy your journey. It may not be the journey you chose, but it is still your journey with yet more twists and turns.

Life Waiting

2 Jan

Let-GoI made the last drive home…letting go of my job of sixteen years.  Initially it seemed like the others, and then in a moment, the sky appeared larger, brighter, and full of possibilities.  It was as if the world was coming towards me in a positive light rather than a gaping hole of negatives.  Those negatives, actually positives in the big picture…a realization that 2012 was a prelude to the rest of my life.

What a year…a year of discovery, healing, and transition.  I have felt my life shift from the depths of depression to a joy filled awakening.  I have realized a gift and gained a confidence unlike any other I have known.

The turning point…writing.  It has enlightened, inspired, and empowered me.

So I begin.  I begin the life that was waiting for me all along.

Our Christmas Miracle

26 Dec

I spent the day with her…our Christmas Miracle.

Christmas Day in the hospital…certainly not idyllic circumstances, but compared to just one week earlier…a very Merry Christmas indeed.

One week earlier…my mom rushed to the hospital and began the fight of her life.  Kidneys shut down, no pulse, pneumonia, heart functioning abnormally, unconscious and unresponsive. Unknown to us at the time, an infection was ravaging her body.  Dependent on breath from a machine, her outlook was bleak and dismal.

There were brief moments of hope, but many more moments of despair.  If she survived, most certainly there would be brain damage.

We talked to her.  We held her hand.  We cried…and we prayed.  Who could know that just one week later…we would celebrate Christmas with her in a private room?  No brain issues, no heart issues, functioning kidneys and her lungs breathing life into her.

We get to talk with her now, rather than to her.  When asked how she made it…she speaks with a firm and simple reply.  “God”.

Tears…

19 Dec

TearTears of sadness for the children, their protectors, and their families.

Tears of joy for the outpouring of love around the world.

Tears of sadness for the conclusion of a long career.

Tears of joy for my path to new beginnings.

Tears of sadness for pain my mother has endured.

Tears of joy for the courageous fight she has in her.

Tears…lots and lots of tears.

Celebrate Life!

12 Dec
Celebrate Life! - the musical

Celebrate Life! – the musical

Clad in matronly aproned dresses, as if going to a pilgrim’s feast, I stood with others on stage.   The church musical, Celebrate Life…a glorious presentation in song.  This, the highlight of my religious years…a time of youth group, choir, and summer outings.

I studied the bible.  I was baptized.  I held other’s hands and prayed, but that faith we so often discussed…a miniscule part of my life.  While church was large in my life, my spirit immature and naïve.

During those times, a solid foundation was laid for my life as a Christian.  One of the songs, The Truth Shall Make You Free, still echoes clearly in my head.  And the truth is…I get it now.  All the teachings, all the praise, and all the fellowship…a slow build that brought me to the very spiritual place I now reside.  Although I do not attend regular church services, my relationship with God is stronger than any other time in my life.   I am living in faith and the blessings bestowed.

Always a believer, but now I feel Him.  He is truly the wind I soar on, the mountain I climb to and with Him, I…Celebrate Life!

Hear it on You Tube…The Truth Shall Make You Free

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