Tag Archives: God

As the Stir Turns

9 Feb


Feeling a little down and troubled, I revisited The Evolution of a Stir. Since putting it all together and releasing it, I’ve not really read it and taken it in. There’s a lot of wisdom in those words, exactly what I needed today; a reminder of my dreams and desires, and a push to keep going.

As my baby steps take me to the end of this day, I prepare for my slumber. Now I lay me down to sleep…with fortitude, a wish, and a prayer. ~ The Evolution of a Stir

A Night Before Christmas

23 Dec

Twas a night before Christmas
And I just had to believe,
That Santa was listening,
And would soon bring reprieve.

From the hungry, the lonely,
And the grieving ones too.
To the liars, and cheaters,
That they would find truth.

As we hustle and bustle,
It would help us to know,
That our life is to cherish,
And our pace would soon slow.

With bright lights and candles,
We’ve embellished our homes,
The stairwells, the mantles,
And the roofs high and low.

For the season of magic,
And all things we adorn,
Is celebrating the night
Of when Jesus was born.


Either Or

25 Aug

They had it narrowed down to two. I was one of them. My references were checked. I had a second interview. This was a fifty/fifty shot, the best chances thus far.

I was ready. Decisions prematurely made…no book, no blog. No attempts in social media to market my writing. I would let go what I’d built over the last year. Ready to ditch it all for steady employment…the eight to five, live for the weekend kind of income. It’s what I know. It’s my comfort zone.

I’m out of my comfort zone now…the furthest I’ve ever been…financially, mentally, spiritually. I claim that in the most positive way and I credit the cathartic process from writing. Never naïve enough to believe my words could truly make a living, but it has been the one thing I ponder. Could a passion that makes your heart pound actually provide that source?

The logical approach…get a job and keep writing, but for some reason I can’t get the two worlds to mesh. Every time, when on the verge of getting a job in my old world, I’m certain to give up writing and the pursuit of publishing. It just feels simpler that way. My head, as well as my heart, just can’t get them to go together.

And every time, with each rejection, for just a minute it knocks me down, then it pushes me…to writing. It pushes me to think about going all in…really pursue it…as if my financial, mental, and spiritual life depends on it.

The fifty/fifty shot didn’t come through. The all too familiar snub…once again a facilitator.

Perhaps that’s exactly what it’s meant to be, because maybe, just maybe…I’m meant to write.

In His Presence

10 Feb

With tears strolling down my cheeks, I sang along.  In the far back corner of the church…perhaps no one would notice. Standing in that space, I felt His presence.  So this is what it feels like to feel God.

Throughout the service, I was all in…like an absorbent sponge.  I did however notice a particular man finally make his way to a seat.   I had seen him in the parking lot earlier.  He pulled in just before me and seemed a bit out-of-place.  Not that anyone is out-of-place at church, but maybe that he had never been to this specific location.  Somehow, I felt a kindred spirit with him.  More tears.

Later during the service, as the invitation extended for a time of prayer at the altar, I watched this man make his way forward.  And I watched him return, wiping away tears.

Maybe he was hurting.  Maybe he was scared.  Or maybe, just as I, he felt the presence of God.

Path to a Friend

6 Feb

I had never met her.  Only from his words of love and adoration, did I have a sense of who she was.

He…a dear friend that lost his life in a fishing accident…was someone special.  He had many friends and united in grief, we muddled through the pain.  After a week of deep emotions and wistful tributes, the silence became a dim cavity of devotion.

I wrote her a letter…his mom.  He spoke so proud and preciously of her, I knew she had to know.  With tears for a woman I had never met, I mailed my heartfelt words.

Months later, still reeling in the pain, I felt a need to revisit the church in which his service was held.  And I felt a need to meet her.

I made my way to the church, trying diligently to keep the tears inside.  A bit early, I paused to look at various pictures on the wall.   A sweet elderly lady asked if she could help me.  I timidly declined.

Making my way to the back of the sanctuary, I took my seat.  I saw the music director who sang at his service, a beautiful accolade in song.   His perch on the raised platform reminded me.  Although the church was large and much space between us, the director felt compelled to come speak with me.  I was a stranger, yet something drew him to me.  I told him who I was and why I was present.  He now pointed to the sweet lady that had approached me in the hall.  That was her.

A bit into the service, I stared into the stained glass to refrain from tears,  just as I had during the memorial service.  But it was too much, too reminiscent of that day.  Feeling the tears flow, I made a quiet exit through the back doors.  As I fled down the hall, I heard someone call my name.  As if she knew me, it was her.

We, these strangers, had now become friends.  In an immediate and unknowable way, we embraced…no words, no explanation…just tears.

That day began a bond of a sweet and perfect friendship.  Although it’s been years since, we carry a place in our hearts…for him, and for each other.  No doubt that day, heaven was directing our paths.

Texas Two Step

23 Jan

Two steps forward, one step back.

Growth doesn’t always make a straight and narrow path.  Often it is met with resistance.  A negative thought, a naysayers comment, a minor snafu can set you back.  Leaving a job without my future laid out for me…originally exciting, initially uplifting, then panic ensues.  I have to remember the confidence that allowed me to make that leap.  And that confidence was born of faith.

They say it’s always darkest before the dawn.  They say you are closest to your victory when you face the greatest opposition.  They say the devil works hardest when God’s the closest.

Do I believe?  I have to!  Why should that faith I so boldly wrote about a few weeks ago be any less today?  Because I know…two steps forward, one step back is progress.  And with that, I’ll continue my dance.

Two Chairs

16 Jan

I had two chairs on my patio.  I noticed when I sat in one chair; I dwelled on the negative. I contemplated all the ills this world has dealt.  My pity consumed me and I was dark and weak.

In the other, I thought of the positive.  I thought of the opportunities waiting and saw grace in the small and large.  I was confident, strong, and content.

It was my choice…and I began to sit in the positive chair regularly.  My outlook became enthusiastic and my demeanor joyful.

And then…a freak accident.  The negative chair burned.  No option but to toss it away.  So along with the chair, I tossed my dark and weak self.  Only the positive remains.

Coincidence?  I think not.

Toss the Negative!

Toss the Negative!

My World Expanded

30 Dec

Over the holidays, a discussion arose with my sister regarding this blog experience.  We talked of mine, then she went on to ask what other blogs I follow and what they offer.  I tried to explain the diversity, expanse of horizons, and exposure of more lessons learned.

I have read words of inspiration, humor, and mindless jabber.  I have peered into other’s lives and others have peeked into mine.  I have mulled over writings to emulate and those I would prefer not.  I have trekked through mountains, watched sea turtles, and walked the streets of Manhattan.  I have laughed, cried, and adored.

My journey through blogging has opened my mind and my world and taken me to places I could only dream of.  In light of my now expanded realm, some of those positive experiences thus far…

  • Rhythms of Grace – I was encouraged to bloom wherever God sends my seed, thanks to Karen’s ever positive posts.
  • Words of Nelle – I too came out of the writers’ closet…on the same day as Nelle! Although our background and presentation is a bit different, I see a similarity in our thoughts.
  • Your Life. BETTER. – Through Cheryl, I read ways to increase my happiness.
  • LUGGAGE Lady – I exhaled in the face of panic and self-doubt, right along with the Luggage Lady.
  • 4th Smith Girl –  A lifelong friend has encouraged, reminisced, and shared family stories.
  • Red Road Diaries – I traveled vicariously in an RV caravan through the Baja of Mexico.
  • Mind Margins – I met a kindred soul who cherishes the vastness of the West.
  • CANDYCOATEDREALITY – Tell, show, and do! Truly inspiration for what lies in my near future.
  • Mid Life Meg – Experiencing the highs of new love right along with Meg. And she makes me laugh!
  • The Musings of a Life – Bev inspired me to let go of my past and embrace the now.
  • GinGetz.com – Words of wisdom from a fellow middle-ager and her adventures and photos in the high mountains.
  • meanderest – I caught up to Lorie’s journey and I am inspired! I too have contemplated just going to see where I fit best. With a little over a year before my slate is clear, I might just do it!
  • lynnecobb – I was reminded that with age comes wisdom…and was double dog dared to unearth and share my God-given gift.
  • Why I Love West Texas – West Texas! Enough said.
  • Going to the Sea – Through Erin’s words, I have been inspired to keep going forward, even when my limb is shaking.
  • freedom follies – I found someone in mutual need of a good scream.
  • WRITER IN TRAINING – Yet another aspiring writer…possibly I can learn from Gwen, as well as see her progression.
  • suehealy – A connection to someone who certainly knows more in the writing world…a virtual mentor.
  • Author McCloskey Speaks – I danced along through new adventures in dating.

I wonder where I’m headed next?

Our Christmas Miracle

26 Dec

I spent the day with her…our Christmas Miracle.

Christmas Day in the hospital…certainly not idyllic circumstances, but compared to just one week earlier…a very Merry Christmas indeed.

One week earlier…my mom rushed to the hospital and began the fight of her life.  Kidneys shut down, no pulse, pneumonia, heart functioning abnormally, unconscious and unresponsive. Unknown to us at the time, an infection was ravaging her body.  Dependent on breath from a machine, her outlook was bleak and dismal.

There were brief moments of hope, but many more moments of despair.  If she survived, most certainly there would be brain damage.

We talked to her.  We held her hand.  We cried…and we prayed.  Who could know that just one week later…we would celebrate Christmas with her in a private room?  No brain issues, no heart issues, functioning kidneys and her lungs breathing life into her.

We get to talk with her now, rather than to her.  When asked how she made it…she speaks with a firm and simple reply.  “God”.

Leap of Courage

17 Dec

I often listen to God music…truly music for the soul.  Today I heard “Courageous” by Casting Crowns. Not the first time I have heard it, but this morning it spoke to me in a different way. The words “we were made to be courageous” …a potent message for my current situation.

What is courage?  It is most definitely in those that defend our freedom.  Assuredly it is those everyday heroes who fight fires and man our streets with protection.  It is in the determination of those faced with life altering health issues.  A different kind of courage for different reasons, it is the occasional smaller acts in our daily lives that courage prevails.

For my own reasons, I have been graced with the courage to leave what has provided my financial stability.  An explicable desire to live life on different terms than most recent, I have taken a leap.  Call it a leap of faith…I also call it a leap of courage.

I gave my notice today.  Two weeks and I will no longer have the security of my job of sixteen years. The spirit draining employment I have known will be no longer.  For the first time in my life, I have no backup other than a whole lot of faith and a little bit of courage.

As I think of that song, I pray…”thank you Lord for making me courageous”.  I know it will take me places I have never been!

Celebrate Life!

12 Dec
Celebrate Life! - the musical

Celebrate Life! – the musical

Clad in matronly aproned dresses, as if going to a pilgrim’s feast, I stood with others on stage.   The church musical, Celebrate Life…a glorious presentation in song.  This, the highlight of my religious years…a time of youth group, choir, and summer outings.

I studied the bible.  I was baptized.  I held other’s hands and prayed, but that faith we so often discussed…a miniscule part of my life.  While church was large in my life, my spirit immature and naïve.

During those times, a solid foundation was laid for my life as a Christian.  One of the songs, The Truth Shall Make You Free, still echoes clearly in my head.  And the truth is…I get it now.  All the teachings, all the praise, and all the fellowship…a slow build that brought me to the very spiritual place I now reside.  Although I do not attend regular church services, my relationship with God is stronger than any other time in my life.   I am living in faith and the blessings bestowed.

Always a believer, but now I feel Him.  He is truly the wind I soar on, the mountain I climb to and with Him, I…Celebrate Life!

Hear it on You Tube…The Truth Shall Make You Free

I Fear No Evil

25 Nov

In chase, the demons fought diligently.  Conniving, relentless, and forceful their silhouettes of darkness encircled my presence. Frightened and panicked, I ran.  I ducked and cowered but no act seemed to escape their ruthless terror.

Eerily I lay on the bed…flat on my back, arms folded over my chest as though I was going to my grave.  I was in a dream or a nightmare rather, and I was scared.  Still unclear the blurred lines between my slumber and awakened state, I knew I must do more.

They fought hard.  But I fought harder…and I began to recite the 23rd Psalm.

I fully awoke to my voice speaking loud and determined, and with each verse it was as though their chase grew weary. With eventual retreat, I was free from the apprehension of their darkness.

One of the most horrifying dreams I had experienced, I reached into my nightstand drawer to retrieve my bible.  It remained in my clutches the remainder of the night and I slept well.  It is truly amazing the calm that comes from relying on God.

Let it be known, even though the 23rd Psalm is not foreign to me, I do not have it memorized.  The splendor of that is deep within me, through teachings from the bible…and faith.  A deep seared faith that stays with me and rises up when I need it most.

I needed it that night and the protection it offered, flowing freely from my lips.  As the need comes today and tomorrow, God will deliver as well.

The Lord is my Shepherd; I shall not want.
He maketh me to lie down in green pastures:
He leadeth me beside the still waters.
He restoreth my soul:
He leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for His name’ sake.

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil:
For thou art with me;
Thy rod and thy staff, they comfort me.
Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies;
Thou annointest my head with oil;
My cup runneth over.

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the House of the Lord forever.

The Color of Clouds

18 Nov

I saw Mickey Mouse today…his big black ears dancing happily in song.  Yesterday an Arkansas Razorback, in all his red glory, legs stretched as in chase.  And no, I am no fan but he was in my clouds nevertheless.

As a child and even more so as a teenager I relished in letting the clouds feed my imagination. I still find that to be the case, but it takes on new meaning as I age.  I enjoy the pause from adult responsibilities…a time to just be still.

I have seen in those clouds the royal purple of kings, a mighty silver sword, and the grey of an old man’s crown.  I have witnessed green frogs in leap, blue dolphins at play, and brown bears on prowl.

When life is complicated, the simplicity of a picture show in the sky puts me in the right place, and I ever so humbly realize the smallness here…and the greatness there.

Sun Stir

14 Nov

As I witness the sun remove its presence from today, I stand in quiet reflection.  Putting the long arduous day behind me, I am reminded of the potential yet realized.

In the darkness of night, my soul stirs with apparitions of tomorrow.  I dream of love…an exquisite joy born of an exceptional friendship.  I dream of serenity…a peace that only peace can bring.  I dream of purpose…a selfless act that gives my life fulfillment.

My night ends and I peek to see the sun beginning its approach.  As this new day offers itself, I prepare for visions turned to truths, and ready myself to say graces to He that brings them.

Of Faith, Love, and Rattlesnakes

21 Oct

We were on a mission…mission unknown to me, but hand in hand we walked.  We trekked through that pasture, over the unevenness, having to watch each step before we took another.  Unsure of the destination, I knew he loved me and I trusted his course.

His instructions…walk lightly, take small steps, and look straight ahead.  I began to feel apprehension build as he guided me.  Over the rocks, over those crevices, and to the peak of that terrain…we were there.  Still unclear exactly where there was…more instructions ensued.  “Hold my hand tight, do not let go, and be still.”

“Now look down.”

My breath stopped, my heart raced, and my eyes widened.   In those crevices we had maneuvered…hundreds of rattlesnakes lay still beneath us!  He felt me tighten and gripped my hand stronger.  He reminded me to trust him.  And I did.

“Now look up.”

In awe, I took in the beauty and I felt the reward.  We stood on top of that hill…a view of triumph and grandeur.   With poison just below our feet, we had prevailed.  My fear now subsided, we stood high and proud and accomplished…and still he held my hand.

Never alone could I have done that.  Only with the guidance born of love and trust could I have made that trek.  I wonder where my path is taking me now.  As God is holding my hand, I step over rocks.  In whatever form He chooses, I trust I will stand on that hill once again.

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