Tag Archives: faith

As the Stir Turns

9 Feb

mayyoursoulstir.com

Feeling a little down and troubled, I revisited The Evolution of a Stir. Since putting it all together and releasing it, I’ve not really read it and taken it in. There’s a lot of wisdom in those words, exactly what I needed today; a reminder of my dreams and desires, and a push to keep going.

As my baby steps take me to the end of this day, I prepare for my slumber. Now I lay me down to sleep…with fortitude, a wish, and a prayer. ~ The Evolution of a Stir

Learning to Grow

9 Dec

Excel spreadsheets. That I knew. Word documents. Not so much.

I could use bold, cut, paste, and even highlight, but now I was a writer and it was time to know more. My dream of publishing a book required more knowledge and a massive list of to-dos.

But the things I had begun to list…most of them, foreign. Copyright, trademark, ISBN, bar code, cover design, formatting, marketing. What’s a domain? And how do I get one? What does print ready really mean? What’s the difference between publisher and printer? Library of Congress? Books in Print? Really? REALLY?

So, wide-eyed and curious beget an expedition to learn. If I didn’t know it, I looked it up. Thank goodness for Google, website forums, and help menus! I read and read. I played and maneuvered and practiced; until I felt it was enough. I borrowed my well-read daughter to edit and I contracted a home town book binder to print. With a near nothing budget, I proceeded.

And I did it. And I’m proud.

My first book delivered and my first book is worthy. It may never make it to a brick and mortar bookstore, but it’s worthy. It’s my building block and foundation for more.

How about you? What is that aspiration you’ve yet to conquer? If you’ve read my book “I opened to voices that said yes and rebelled to those that said no” you’ll understand how I got here. And those voices can help you learn to grow too!

Visit the Bookstore to read The Evolution of a Stir!

 

And So It Begins!

17 Nov

A writer. Who would’ve believed? I surely never did.

A blog. When thoughts transformed into words, an opening began.

A dream. A series of books…life lessons from my heart, eventually to include other writer’s stories as well.

A book. My first! The beginning of a dream come true.

I proudly and enthusiastically present…

The Evolution of a Stir - Front Cover

It tells of my journey…a series of revelations that began a process of change. Each a short story, each a life lesson, each prodding me forward.

With a limited number of print books available*, get yours now! One of those life lessons may speak just to you!

Click here for more information and purchase!

 

Tuned In

29 Sep

The beginning of a recent drive, a song resounded from the radio. As I sang along, I absorbed each and every word. And oh how timely. “I can see clearly now the rain is gone”.

As some of you know, I was unemployed for several months. My own doing, a resignation brought on by discontent and the desire for something better. The hope of something better was far higher than my reality. Riding a roller coaster of emotions…from fear, anger, and doubt…to peace, resolve, and drive; I stayed dazed with confusion.

Stepping out of the boat, one of my hopes was that a miraculous door would open. I have certainly knocked on enough to qualify, but the break wasn’t forthcoming.

A recent occurrence, I now have steady income…a job in accounting, but it’s a means not an opportunity. I have come to realize it’s not others that will provide those…it is me. I have my miracle and I had it all along. It’s inside me…the beautiful peace that comes from realizing my own potential.

I’m no longer knocking on doors; I’m going through them.

“It’s gonna be a bright…bright sunshiny day.”

Stay tuned…

Either Or

25 Aug

They had it narrowed down to two. I was one of them. My references were checked. I had a second interview. This was a fifty/fifty shot, the best chances thus far.

I was ready. Decisions prematurely made…no book, no blog. No attempts in social media to market my writing. I would let go what I’d built over the last year. Ready to ditch it all for steady employment…the eight to five, live for the weekend kind of income. It’s what I know. It’s my comfort zone.

I’m out of my comfort zone now…the furthest I’ve ever been…financially, mentally, spiritually. I claim that in the most positive way and I credit the cathartic process from writing. Never naïve enough to believe my words could truly make a living, but it has been the one thing I ponder. Could a passion that makes your heart pound actually provide that source?

The logical approach…get a job and keep writing, but for some reason I can’t get the two worlds to mesh. Every time, when on the verge of getting a job in my old world, I’m certain to give up writing and the pursuit of publishing. It just feels simpler that way. My head, as well as my heart, just can’t get them to go together.

And every time, with each rejection, for just a minute it knocks me down, then it pushes me…to writing. It pushes me to think about going all in…really pursue it…as if my financial, mental, and spiritual life depends on it.

The fifty/fifty shot didn’t come through. The all too familiar snub…once again a facilitator.

Perhaps that’s exactly what it’s meant to be, because maybe, just maybe…I’m meant to write.

Happy Anniversary to Me!

3 Jul

It’s been one year since my epiphany…the epiphany to write, and the spiritual voyage that ensued. It’s been a roller coaster of emotions, most of them high, but it’s been one of healing and transformation. My spirit dark and weary has grown to a place that sees light at the end of a long tunnel. I’m still traveling that tunnel and it’s very narrow at times. Questioning my God, my prayers, my path, and my choices, but I’ve come so far.

Still unclear where that light leads, it’s guiding me through the darkness. From rage, fear, and doubts to confidence, determination, and peace; I continue my journey. I can’t wait to see where anniversary number two has me!

Ifs, Ands, or Buts

30 Jun

As I slapped my hand on the steering wheel…another sigh escaped from my lungs. Dang it! Once again…my thoughts jumbled with the “other” choices.

My temporary job was located clear across the city. Determined to avoid the idiots, the hurried, and the cluster of the freeway, I chose a different route. Necessary to go through parts of town I’d never known, I tried many options. Always trying to best my last drive, I’d contemplate the ‘what ifs’.  If the light hadn’t been red. If there wasn’t any construction. If only that accident hadn’t happened.  A constant nag of betterment resounded in my head. Over and over I questioned my route. I wanted a clear shot, but that never happened.

And so with my writing. If only I didn’t have to market. If only I knew more about publishing. If only. If only. If only. But if I want to get somewhere, I have to keep driving. While still avoiding the fast lanes, my own path calls. I may encounter wrecks, red lights, and detours, but I’ll get there.

And those various city routes…never mind the challenges…I made my destination every time!

~ ~ ~

Update: The project alluded to in The Party’s Over

I’m in the process of editing and designing an eBook…
“The Evolution of a Stir”
…the first in a MAY YOUR SOUL STIR series.
Coming to an electronic shelf near you!

The View Beyond

20 Mar

Looking out the window from my desk strategically placed for the view, I realize…this too shall change.  The leaves soon to bud, impeding my view to the sky.  As anxious as I am for spring, I dread the confinement the new leaves offer.

In my journey of self-discovery, I observed countless settings in which I felt trapped.  I felt a physical strangulation, like hands around my neck choking the breath from me.

It’s odd how the mundane condition of our day brings about the complex condition of our mind.  Then I ponder…perhaps it’s not odd at all, perhaps just a way to remind us of what we, as individuals, need.  I need a window.  I need a view.  I need a horizon.

There is something about the expanse and limitless the blue sky provides…a window to opportunity, to love, and to acceptance.  The frankness in the beauty represents that for me.

Notwithstanding the obstruction, this I know…the sky with its infinite possibilities lies always just beyond the leaves.

Path to a Friend

6 Feb

I had never met her.  Only from his words of love and adoration, did I have a sense of who she was.

He…a dear friend that lost his life in a fishing accident…was someone special.  He had many friends and united in grief, we muddled through the pain.  After a week of deep emotions and wistful tributes, the silence became a dim cavity of devotion.

I wrote her a letter…his mom.  He spoke so proud and preciously of her, I knew she had to know.  With tears for a woman I had never met, I mailed my heartfelt words.

Months later, still reeling in the pain, I felt a need to revisit the church in which his service was held.  And I felt a need to meet her.

I made my way to the church, trying diligently to keep the tears inside.  A bit early, I paused to look at various pictures on the wall.   A sweet elderly lady asked if she could help me.  I timidly declined.

Making my way to the back of the sanctuary, I took my seat.  I saw the music director who sang at his service, a beautiful accolade in song.   His perch on the raised platform reminded me.  Although the church was large and much space between us, the director felt compelled to come speak with me.  I was a stranger, yet something drew him to me.  I told him who I was and why I was present.  He now pointed to the sweet lady that had approached me in the hall.  That was her.

A bit into the service, I stared into the stained glass to refrain from tears,  just as I had during the memorial service.  But it was too much, too reminiscent of that day.  Feeling the tears flow, I made a quiet exit through the back doors.  As I fled down the hall, I heard someone call my name.  As if she knew me, it was her.

We, these strangers, had now become friends.  In an immediate and unknowable way, we embraced…no words, no explanation…just tears.

That day began a bond of a sweet and perfect friendship.  Although it’s been years since, we carry a place in our hearts…for him, and for each other.  No doubt that day, heaven was directing our paths.

Texas Two Step

23 Jan

Two steps forward, one step back.

Growth doesn’t always make a straight and narrow path.  Often it is met with resistance.  A negative thought, a naysayers comment, a minor snafu can set you back.  Leaving a job without my future laid out for me…originally exciting, initially uplifting, then panic ensues.  I have to remember the confidence that allowed me to make that leap.  And that confidence was born of faith.

They say it’s always darkest before the dawn.  They say you are closest to your victory when you face the greatest opposition.  They say the devil works hardest when God’s the closest.

Do I believe?  I have to!  Why should that faith I so boldly wrote about a few weeks ago be any less today?  Because I know…two steps forward, one step back is progress.  And with that, I’ll continue my dance.

Black Shoes Brown Shoes

20 Jan

I walked in, head high, shoulders back, and impeccably groomed.  My attitude, my smile, and my confidence were in sync with the physical presence and I was ready!  Summoned by a recent job search, this was my first interview since I left my long-time job.

As I interacted and moved about the office to handle necessary paperwork, I felt an incredible confidence.  I eventually took a spot in an adjacent office awaiting my interviewer.  As I shifted my legs for a more comfortable position…there they were.  BROWN shoes!  I was mortified.

Brown shoes are fine if your attire calls for brown shoes.  But noooo…my attire called for BLACK shoes.

Okay, so now what?  Flustered, red in the face, and so disappointed in myself, I tried to make the best.  I couldn’t let a pair of shoes negate all the good I had in me.  So began the self talk.  “Cindy, they’re just shoes.  They are a minor glitch in your presence.  You have more to offer than the color of your shoes.”

I repositioned my feet, strategically positioned my purse, and shifted the negative thoughts.  I sailed through the interview with composure and pride and upon arrival to my car; those shoes came off with a chuckle.  The way I see it…if I don’t get a job based solely on the color of my shoes, then I probably don’t want the job anyway.  And…I’m good with that.

Life Waiting

2 Jan

Let-GoI made the last drive home…letting go of my job of sixteen years.  Initially it seemed like the others, and then in a moment, the sky appeared larger, brighter, and full of possibilities.  It was as if the world was coming towards me in a positive light rather than a gaping hole of negatives.  Those negatives, actually positives in the big picture…a realization that 2012 was a prelude to the rest of my life.

What a year…a year of discovery, healing, and transition.  I have felt my life shift from the depths of depression to a joy filled awakening.  I have realized a gift and gained a confidence unlike any other I have known.

The turning point…writing.  It has enlightened, inspired, and empowered me.

So I begin.  I begin the life that was waiting for me all along.

Our Christmas Miracle

26 Dec

I spent the day with her…our Christmas Miracle.

Christmas Day in the hospital…certainly not idyllic circumstances, but compared to just one week earlier…a very Merry Christmas indeed.

One week earlier…my mom rushed to the hospital and began the fight of her life.  Kidneys shut down, no pulse, pneumonia, heart functioning abnormally, unconscious and unresponsive. Unknown to us at the time, an infection was ravaging her body.  Dependent on breath from a machine, her outlook was bleak and dismal.

There were brief moments of hope, but many more moments of despair.  If she survived, most certainly there would be brain damage.

We talked to her.  We held her hand.  We cried…and we prayed.  Who could know that just one week later…we would celebrate Christmas with her in a private room?  No brain issues, no heart issues, functioning kidneys and her lungs breathing life into her.

We get to talk with her now, rather than to her.  When asked how she made it…she speaks with a firm and simple reply.  “God”.

Leap of Courage

17 Dec

I often listen to God music…truly music for the soul.  Today I heard “Courageous” by Casting Crowns. Not the first time I have heard it, but this morning it spoke to me in a different way. The words “we were made to be courageous” …a potent message for my current situation.

What is courage?  It is most definitely in those that defend our freedom.  Assuredly it is those everyday heroes who fight fires and man our streets with protection.  It is in the determination of those faced with life altering health issues.  A different kind of courage for different reasons, it is the occasional smaller acts in our daily lives that courage prevails.

For my own reasons, I have been graced with the courage to leave what has provided my financial stability.  An explicable desire to live life on different terms than most recent, I have taken a leap.  Call it a leap of faith…I also call it a leap of courage.

I gave my notice today.  Two weeks and I will no longer have the security of my job of sixteen years. The spirit draining employment I have known will be no longer.  For the first time in my life, I have no backup other than a whole lot of faith and a little bit of courage.

As I think of that song, I pray…”thank you Lord for making me courageous”.  I know it will take me places I have never been!

Celebrate Life!

12 Dec
Celebrate Life! - the musical

Celebrate Life! – the musical

Clad in matronly aproned dresses, as if going to a pilgrim’s feast, I stood with others on stage.   The church musical, Celebrate Life…a glorious presentation in song.  This, the highlight of my religious years…a time of youth group, choir, and summer outings.

I studied the bible.  I was baptized.  I held other’s hands and prayed, but that faith we so often discussed…a miniscule part of my life.  While church was large in my life, my spirit immature and naïve.

During those times, a solid foundation was laid for my life as a Christian.  One of the songs, The Truth Shall Make You Free, still echoes clearly in my head.  And the truth is…I get it now.  All the teachings, all the praise, and all the fellowship…a slow build that brought me to the very spiritual place I now reside.  Although I do not attend regular church services, my relationship with God is stronger than any other time in my life.   I am living in faith and the blessings bestowed.

Always a believer, but now I feel Him.  He is truly the wind I soar on, the mountain I climb to and with Him, I…Celebrate Life!

Hear it on You Tube…The Truth Shall Make You Free

I Fear No Evil

25 Nov

In chase, the demons fought diligently.  Conniving, relentless, and forceful their silhouettes of darkness encircled my presence. Frightened and panicked, I ran.  I ducked and cowered but no act seemed to escape their ruthless terror.

Eerily I lay on the bed…flat on my back, arms folded over my chest as though I was going to my grave.  I was in a dream or a nightmare rather, and I was scared.  Still unclear the blurred lines between my slumber and awakened state, I knew I must do more.

They fought hard.  But I fought harder…and I began to recite the 23rd Psalm.

I fully awoke to my voice speaking loud and determined, and with each verse it was as though their chase grew weary. With eventual retreat, I was free from the apprehension of their darkness.

One of the most horrifying dreams I had experienced, I reached into my nightstand drawer to retrieve my bible.  It remained in my clutches the remainder of the night and I slept well.  It is truly amazing the calm that comes from relying on God.

Let it be known, even though the 23rd Psalm is not foreign to me, I do not have it memorized.  The splendor of that is deep within me, through teachings from the bible…and faith.  A deep seared faith that stays with me and rises up when I need it most.

I needed it that night and the protection it offered, flowing freely from my lips.  As the need comes today and tomorrow, God will deliver as well.

The Lord is my Shepherd; I shall not want.
He maketh me to lie down in green pastures:
He leadeth me beside the still waters.
He restoreth my soul:
He leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for His name’ sake.

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil:
For thou art with me;
Thy rod and thy staff, they comfort me.
Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies;
Thou annointest my head with oil;
My cup runneth over.

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the House of the Lord forever.

Sun Stir

14 Nov

As I witness the sun remove its presence from today, I stand in quiet reflection.  Putting the long arduous day behind me, I am reminded of the potential yet realized.

In the darkness of night, my soul stirs with apparitions of tomorrow.  I dream of love…an exquisite joy born of an exceptional friendship.  I dream of serenity…a peace that only peace can bring.  I dream of purpose…a selfless act that gives my life fulfillment.

My night ends and I peek to see the sun beginning its approach.  As this new day offers itself, I prepare for visions turned to truths, and ready myself to say graces to He that brings them.

I Believe in Love

4 Nov

The Facebook project…30 days of thanks.  I missed day one and on day two proclaimed thanks for the safe harbor that is my home.  Pondering other great blessings in preparation, one held its place in my head a bit longer.  That blessing…I still believe in love.

An emotional one I am, the thought made me cry.  Swimming in an abyss of failure, one would think I should raise the proverbial white flag.  While cynicism has made its nasty way inside for other reasons, it has yet to corrupt this basic yearning…a God given desire for an extraordinary love.

I have felt it.  I have known it.  I have been there, but it was fleeting.  I lament over that one…the one that got away.  Particularly my fault in the end…distrust in myself to stay.  Other failures…marked by liars and cheats, bad timing, and indifference.  Those who proclaimed to be someone other than their truth and those who I could not give my heart.  Oh the pain and the heartache that ensued.

In spite of that pain…the dysfunction, turmoil, and disappointments, I have never been more ready.  With an open heart I embrace the potential and my thankfulness that still I believe.

And I do…I believe in love, and I believe in it for me.

Scared Forward

24 Oct

“Life begins at the end of your comfort zone.” ~Neale Donald Walsch

I am naked and scared.  I realize in this endeavor that being vulnerable is a necessity.  I can’t write with my heart if I can’t divulge it.  Opening myself up is something I have been unable to do for a while.  My dark and bitter self had barricaded the door to protect against my enemy.  Staying confined inside my walls was safe…lonely but safe.

With God’s amazing grace, I am here.  My walls are coming down and I am exposed.  I fear the criticism.  I fear the cynicism.  I still fear the enemy and still I am scared, but stepping out of my comfort zone, I trust this is my path.

At times intimidated, other times confident and strong, I continue this journey to write.  It is a must…for practice, presence, and potential.  Above all other, it is a must for my soul.

Of Faith, Love, and Rattlesnakes

21 Oct

We were on a mission…mission unknown to me, but hand in hand we walked.  We trekked through that pasture, over the unevenness, having to watch each step before we took another.  Unsure of the destination, I knew he loved me and I trusted his course.

His instructions…walk lightly, take small steps, and look straight ahead.  I began to feel apprehension build as he guided me.  Over the rocks, over those crevices, and to the peak of that terrain…we were there.  Still unclear exactly where there was…more instructions ensued.  “Hold my hand tight, do not let go, and be still.”

“Now look down.”

My breath stopped, my heart raced, and my eyes widened.   In those crevices we had maneuvered…hundreds of rattlesnakes lay still beneath us!  He felt me tighten and gripped my hand stronger.  He reminded me to trust him.  And I did.

“Now look up.”

In awe, I took in the beauty and I felt the reward.  We stood on top of that hill…a view of triumph and grandeur.   With poison just below our feet, we had prevailed.  My fear now subsided, we stood high and proud and accomplished…and still he held my hand.

Never alone could I have done that.  Only with the guidance born of love and trust could I have made that trek.  I wonder where my path is taking me now.  As God is holding my hand, I step over rocks.  In whatever form He chooses, I trust I will stand on that hill once again.

%d bloggers like this: