Tag Archives: courage

As the Stir Turns

9 Feb

mayyoursoulstir.com

Feeling a little down and troubled, I revisited The Evolution of a Stir. Since putting it all together and releasing it, I’ve not really read it and taken it in. There’s a lot of wisdom in those words, exactly what I needed today; a reminder of my dreams and desires, and a push to keep going.

As my baby steps take me to the end of this day, I prepare for my slumber. Now I lay me down to sleep…with fortitude, a wish, and a prayer. ~ The Evolution of a Stir

Learning to Grow

9 Dec

Excel spreadsheets. That I knew. Word documents. Not so much.

I could use bold, cut, paste, and even highlight, but now I was a writer and it was time to know more. My dream of publishing a book required more knowledge and a massive list of to-dos.

But the things I had begun to list…most of them, foreign. Copyright, trademark, ISBN, bar code, cover design, formatting, marketing. What’s a domain? And how do I get one? What does print ready really mean? What’s the difference between publisher and printer? Library of Congress? Books in Print? Really? REALLY?

So, wide-eyed and curious beget an expedition to learn. If I didn’t know it, I looked it up. Thank goodness for Google, website forums, and help menus! I read and read. I played and maneuvered and practiced; until I felt it was enough. I borrowed my well-read daughter to edit and I contracted a home town book binder to print. With a near nothing budget, I proceeded.

And I did it. And I’m proud.

My first book delivered and my first book is worthy. It may never make it to a brick and mortar bookstore, but it’s worthy. It’s my building block and foundation for more.

How about you? What is that aspiration you’ve yet to conquer? If you’ve read my book “I opened to voices that said yes and rebelled to those that said no” you’ll understand how I got here. And those voices can help you learn to grow too!

Visit the Bookstore to read The Evolution of a Stir!

 

And So It Begins!

17 Nov

A writer. Who would’ve believed? I surely never did.

A blog. When thoughts transformed into words, an opening began.

A dream. A series of books…life lessons from my heart, eventually to include other writer’s stories as well.

A book. My first! The beginning of a dream come true.

I proudly and enthusiastically present…

The Evolution of a Stir - Front Cover

It tells of my journey…a series of revelations that began a process of change. Each a short story, each a life lesson, each prodding me forward.

With a limited number of print books available*, get yours now! One of those life lessons may speak just to you!

Click here for more information and purchase!

 

No “Thriller”

31 Oct

As the other moms danced, steps in unison, costumes masking their identities, I watched. An explosion of appreciation engulfed the gym.  The excitement permeated on the faces of those in applause.  I was one of those applauding but my place should have been among the entertainers.  I should have been a breathless participate.

In a pep rally tribute to our football senior sons, a dance routine was choreographed and rehearsed to “Thriller”.  Because of a forced move to another city, I was unable to attend practices.  Joining in other ways, attempts were made to persuade me to learn on my own, but my confidence was lacking.  Horribly afraid of making a mistake or looking silly, I passed.

I avoided the possible failure of my dancing talents, which I am normally apt.  I avoided missteps and broken rhythm.  I also avoided the thrill of reward.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN…with no regrets!

Tuned In

29 Sep

The beginning of a recent drive, a song resounded from the radio. As I sang along, I absorbed each and every word. And oh how timely. “I can see clearly now the rain is gone”.

As some of you know, I was unemployed for several months. My own doing, a resignation brought on by discontent and the desire for something better. The hope of something better was far higher than my reality. Riding a roller coaster of emotions…from fear, anger, and doubt…to peace, resolve, and drive; I stayed dazed with confusion.

Stepping out of the boat, one of my hopes was that a miraculous door would open. I have certainly knocked on enough to qualify, but the break wasn’t forthcoming.

A recent occurrence, I now have steady income…a job in accounting, but it’s a means not an opportunity. I have come to realize it’s not others that will provide those…it is me. I have my miracle and I had it all along. It’s inside me…the beautiful peace that comes from realizing my own potential.

I’m no longer knocking on doors; I’m going through them.

“It’s gonna be a bright…bright sunshiny day.”

Stay tuned…

Happy Anniversary to Me!

3 Jul

It’s been one year since my epiphany…the epiphany to write, and the spiritual voyage that ensued. It’s been a roller coaster of emotions, most of them high, but it’s been one of healing and transformation. My spirit dark and weary has grown to a place that sees light at the end of a long tunnel. I’m still traveling that tunnel and it’s very narrow at times. Questioning my God, my prayers, my path, and my choices, but I’ve come so far.

Still unclear where that light leads, it’s guiding me through the darkness. From rage, fear, and doubts to confidence, determination, and peace; I continue my journey. I can’t wait to see where anniversary number two has me!

Fighting Lizards

14 Apr

There’s this lizard…and it’s BIG!  It lives in the flowerbeds around my patio.

While I watched it from a distance, I just couldn’t force myself to face my fear and jump in.  Jump into the flowerbed, that is.  The weeds needed pulled, the shrubs needed trimmed, the mulch needed replaced.  But I was scared…so I let that lizard, and his rowdy friends, keep me from beautifying my garden.

Today…round 1, weeds…and I won.   I was tentative but knew it had to be done.  At first I tiptoed quietly peering into every crevice.  Then a bit relaxed, almost forgetting the enemy’s presence.  And finally…the feeling I did it… in spite of this fear, whether rational or not…I did it.  I flexed my muscles, patted myself on the back, and knew I could conquer more.

Perhaps fears are keeping us from tending our life garden.  Imaginably our fears are big creepy lizards, or evil venomous snakes.  But we should face them, one weed at a time.  If we fight, we may find that gargantuan thing we feared so much was really not so big after all.

If you look close (center of picture) you can see…the lizard that turned out to be not so big after all.

If you look really REALLY close (center of picture) you can see…the lizard that turned out not so big after all.

Dog Days

6 Mar

Sitting across the living room, playing lovingly with his dog, I asked my son “how long will he live?”  Of course his answer was a mere smallness compared to the life we expect of ourselves.  Seeing the adoration and love they offer one another, I questioned how he would deal with the eventual hurt.  His answer “I would rather have a few great years with him, then none without.  All the love is worth all the loss”.

Realizing now I was looking for the heartache, anticipating the inevitable.  Is that how I approach emotional involvement?  Rather than see the beauty in the gift, I see the trauma in the loss?  What a dismal view!

I have come a long way…in wisdom, in perspective, in outlook; but perhaps the void of love in my life is a perfect way to avoid pain.  Have I done this to myself?  Have I shirked the possibility anticipating a negative outcome?

It seems I have some reflecting to do, after all…pain is a price, but love is priceless.

A Love Story

13 Feb

A Love StoryThey walked hand in hand…gently strolling along the sidewalk, their body language a bit perplexing. Admiring as though I was watching a play, I sat at a stop light in my car. They continued their stroll in silence, yet an aura of love encircled them.  Unsure whether to smile or cry, I did both.

Their destination…the front entrance of an Alzheimer’s facility.  It was clear then, the sweet awkwardness.

In that small glimpse into their life, I somehow felt I knew them.  In that moment, I saw the graceful courtship in the midst of a dreadful disease.  In that brief invitation into their world, I saw something special.

I continued my thoughts of them throughout the day, full knowing they were challenged, yet in that moment their life was good.  I wish them more of those moments.

Texas Two Step

23 Jan

Two steps forward, one step back.

Growth doesn’t always make a straight and narrow path.  Often it is met with resistance.  A negative thought, a naysayers comment, a minor snafu can set you back.  Leaving a job without my future laid out for me…originally exciting, initially uplifting, then panic ensues.  I have to remember the confidence that allowed me to make that leap.  And that confidence was born of faith.

They say it’s always darkest before the dawn.  They say you are closest to your victory when you face the greatest opposition.  They say the devil works hardest when God’s the closest.

Do I believe?  I have to!  Why should that faith I so boldly wrote about a few weeks ago be any less today?  Because I know…two steps forward, one step back is progress.  And with that, I’ll continue my dance.

Life Waiting

2 Jan

Let-GoI made the last drive home…letting go of my job of sixteen years.  Initially it seemed like the others, and then in a moment, the sky appeared larger, brighter, and full of possibilities.  It was as if the world was coming towards me in a positive light rather than a gaping hole of negatives.  Those negatives, actually positives in the big picture…a realization that 2012 was a prelude to the rest of my life.

What a year…a year of discovery, healing, and transition.  I have felt my life shift from the depths of depression to a joy filled awakening.  I have realized a gift and gained a confidence unlike any other I have known.

The turning point…writing.  It has enlightened, inspired, and empowered me.

So I begin.  I begin the life that was waiting for me all along.

Our Christmas Miracle

26 Dec

I spent the day with her…our Christmas Miracle.

Christmas Day in the hospital…certainly not idyllic circumstances, but compared to just one week earlier…a very Merry Christmas indeed.

One week earlier…my mom rushed to the hospital and began the fight of her life.  Kidneys shut down, no pulse, pneumonia, heart functioning abnormally, unconscious and unresponsive. Unknown to us at the time, an infection was ravaging her body.  Dependent on breath from a machine, her outlook was bleak and dismal.

There were brief moments of hope, but many more moments of despair.  If she survived, most certainly there would be brain damage.

We talked to her.  We held her hand.  We cried…and we prayed.  Who could know that just one week later…we would celebrate Christmas with her in a private room?  No brain issues, no heart issues, functioning kidneys and her lungs breathing life into her.

We get to talk with her now, rather than to her.  When asked how she made it…she speaks with a firm and simple reply.  “God”.

Leap of Courage

17 Dec

I often listen to God music…truly music for the soul.  Today I heard “Courageous” by Casting Crowns. Not the first time I have heard it, but this morning it spoke to me in a different way. The words “we were made to be courageous” …a potent message for my current situation.

What is courage?  It is most definitely in those that defend our freedom.  Assuredly it is those everyday heroes who fight fires and man our streets with protection.  It is in the determination of those faced with life altering health issues.  A different kind of courage for different reasons, it is the occasional smaller acts in our daily lives that courage prevails.

For my own reasons, I have been graced with the courage to leave what has provided my financial stability.  An explicable desire to live life on different terms than most recent, I have taken a leap.  Call it a leap of faith…I also call it a leap of courage.

I gave my notice today.  Two weeks and I will no longer have the security of my job of sixteen years. The spirit draining employment I have known will be no longer.  For the first time in my life, I have no backup other than a whole lot of faith and a little bit of courage.

As I think of that song, I pray…”thank you Lord for making me courageous”.  I know it will take me places I have never been!

I Fear No Evil

25 Nov

In chase, the demons fought diligently.  Conniving, relentless, and forceful their silhouettes of darkness encircled my presence. Frightened and panicked, I ran.  I ducked and cowered but no act seemed to escape their ruthless terror.

Eerily I lay on the bed…flat on my back, arms folded over my chest as though I was going to my grave.  I was in a dream or a nightmare rather, and I was scared.  Still unclear the blurred lines between my slumber and awakened state, I knew I must do more.

They fought hard.  But I fought harder…and I began to recite the 23rd Psalm.

I fully awoke to my voice speaking loud and determined, and with each verse it was as though their chase grew weary. With eventual retreat, I was free from the apprehension of their darkness.

One of the most horrifying dreams I had experienced, I reached into my nightstand drawer to retrieve my bible.  It remained in my clutches the remainder of the night and I slept well.  It is truly amazing the calm that comes from relying on God.

Let it be known, even though the 23rd Psalm is not foreign to me, I do not have it memorized.  The splendor of that is deep within me, through teachings from the bible…and faith.  A deep seared faith that stays with me and rises up when I need it most.

I needed it that night and the protection it offered, flowing freely from my lips.  As the need comes today and tomorrow, God will deliver as well.

The Lord is my Shepherd; I shall not want.
He maketh me to lie down in green pastures:
He leadeth me beside the still waters.
He restoreth my soul:
He leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for His name’ sake.

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil:
For thou art with me;
Thy rod and thy staff, they comfort me.
Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies;
Thou annointest my head with oil;
My cup runneth over.

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the House of the Lord forever.

Scared Forward

24 Oct

“Life begins at the end of your comfort zone.” ~Neale Donald Walsch

I am naked and scared.  I realize in this endeavor that being vulnerable is a necessity.  I can’t write with my heart if I can’t divulge it.  Opening myself up is something I have been unable to do for a while.  My dark and bitter self had barricaded the door to protect against my enemy.  Staying confined inside my walls was safe…lonely but safe.

With God’s amazing grace, I am here.  My walls are coming down and I am exposed.  I fear the criticism.  I fear the cynicism.  I still fear the enemy and still I am scared, but stepping out of my comfort zone, I trust this is my path.

At times intimidated, other times confident and strong, I continue this journey to write.  It is a must…for practice, presence, and potential.  Above all other, it is a must for my soul.

Of Faith, Love, and Rattlesnakes

21 Oct

We were on a mission…mission unknown to me, but hand in hand we walked.  We trekked through that pasture, over the unevenness, having to watch each step before we took another.  Unsure of the destination, I knew he loved me and I trusted his course.

His instructions…walk lightly, take small steps, and look straight ahead.  I began to feel apprehension build as he guided me.  Over the rocks, over those crevices, and to the peak of that terrain…we were there.  Still unclear exactly where there was…more instructions ensued.  “Hold my hand tight, do not let go, and be still.”

“Now look down.”

My breath stopped, my heart raced, and my eyes widened.   In those crevices we had maneuvered…hundreds of rattlesnakes lay still beneath us!  He felt me tighten and gripped my hand stronger.  He reminded me to trust him.  And I did.

“Now look up.”

In awe, I took in the beauty and I felt the reward.  We stood on top of that hill…a view of triumph and grandeur.   With poison just below our feet, we had prevailed.  My fear now subsided, we stood high and proud and accomplished…and still he held my hand.

Never alone could I have done that.  Only with the guidance born of love and trust could I have made that trek.  I wonder where my path is taking me now.  As God is holding my hand, I step over rocks.  In whatever form He chooses, I trust I will stand on that hill once again.

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