Either Or

25 Aug

They had it narrowed down to two. I was one of them. My references were checked. I had a second interview. This was a fifty/fifty shot, the best chances thus far.

I was ready. Decisions prematurely made…no book, no blog. No attempts in social media to market my writing. I would let go what I’d built over the last year. Ready to ditch it all for steady employment…the eight to five, live for the weekend kind of income. It’s what I know. It’s my comfort zone.

I’m out of my comfort zone now…the furthest I’ve ever been…financially, mentally, spiritually. I claim that in the most positive way and I credit the cathartic process from writing. Never naïve enough to believe my words could truly make a living, but it has been the one thing I ponder. Could a passion that makes your heart pound actually provide that source?

The logical approach…get a job and keep writing, but for some reason I can’t get the two worlds to mesh. Every time, when on the verge of getting a job in my old world, I’m certain to give up writing and the pursuit of publishing. It just feels simpler that way. My head, as well as my heart, just can’t get them to go together.

And every time, with each rejection, for just a minute it knocks me down, then it pushes me…to writing. It pushes me to think about going all in…really pursue it…as if my financial, mental, and spiritual life depends on it.

The fifty/fifty shot didn’t come through. The all too familiar snub…once again a facilitator.

Perhaps that’s exactly what it’s meant to be, because maybe, just maybe…I’m meant to write.

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12 Responses to “Either Or”

  1. ravendreamer August 25, 2013 at 12:22 pm #

    Sometimes our easiest answers are in front of us yet we are blind to see them. I have been told countless times to follow your heart not your mind. Your mind seems to jumble things. Keep up the writing girl, it is leading you to a good place. 🙂 Take care.

    • May Your Soul Stir™ August 25, 2013 at 12:38 pm #

      You’re right…my heart knows. My head…not so much, but it’s beginning to comprehend.

  2. Brenda L. Yoder August 26, 2013 at 9:41 am #

    No, you keep writing! From my friends who have books published I watch them and am thankful right now, my writing is not in book form. It’s a lot of work, a lot of performance, and when I write to perform……it’s not from my heart. I, too, am in the work world doing the things I’m trained to do and can do well to earn an income. My passions lie in it, from it, beyond it and I’m learning God sometimes stretches us to develop experiences that add to our passions. I’m learning I don’t have to be one or the other – I’m a counselor, teacher, writer, speaker, and while two of these I do for trade, the others are my passion in ministering His word. Writing is an art, from our soul, and as you lay it before God, He will provide a time and space for His glory. This I know. Continue on, keep going, and rest in Him.

    Thanks for your honesty!

  3. Gwen Stephens August 29, 2013 at 9:21 am #

    To borrow a cliche – sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do. The answers aren’t always clear at the outset. Just go with your heart. You’ll know when it’s right. You’ll also know when it’s not.

    • May Your Soul Stir™ August 29, 2013 at 11:40 am #

      You are right…jumbled it sometimes is. But yes, following my heart…down a long and winding road!

  4. midlifemeg August 29, 2013 at 6:38 pm #

    Yep…this is so true. I went back to work full time about a month ago after a couple years of a shorter schedule and it’s so hard to keep up the writing. Actually, for the first time in my entire life, I have a really great fiction idea swimming around in my head– but I just can’t seem to carve out the time.

    It does seem that we have to choose between money and time way too often. Best of luck to you and may your passions and your paycheck coincide in the near future.

    • May Your Soul Stir™ August 29, 2013 at 9:10 pm #

      Thank you! Someday!
      You should make the time when you can. You are a very gifted writer.

  5. Becky Young August 31, 2013 at 9:01 pm #

    Follow your heart! I enjoy your stories!!

  6. Linda Crawford December 2, 2013 at 8:57 pm #

    Cindy,

    Write no matter what. The world needs your words and your heart. The world may not give you much money for it, but when you write for a higher purpose the rewards are riches beyond what the world can give. Only you can write what your heart has to share. Only you are you, unique in beauty and in kindness of heart. It’s not the critics of your words that matter, it only matters that you dare greatly–that you dare to share what only you can share. Be brave my friend. I’m praying for you. 🙂

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