Nevertheless

6 Jan

In the wee morning hours, with a broken heart, an empty bed, and the light of my television, I wrote. Reveling in the aftermath of a break-up, I searched for closure. The significance of the man is no longer, but the importance of this writing still lingers.  One of his last words to me, “nevertheless”, prompted me to reveal my thoughts on paper. It was then I knew I could use words for healing. 

As is, unedited and imperfect, I present my first writing.   Who could know that five years later, I would begin a public endeavor doing just that.  I thank him.

“Nevertheless”

Life, with its twists and turns, does not always present itself to our liking…

I know that people come in and out of our lives for a reason. For those that choose to stay, I cherish. For those that walk away…there is a reason, although sometimes I do not understand. I do know that a diamond in our possession is a precious stone. In someone else’s it is just a thing of envy. Being envious of something just brings ourselves discontent. Instead we should choose to be grateful for those things that are around us and let go of the things that slip through our grasp.

I know I am responsible for some of the things that slip through my fingers, others I am not – they are beyond my control. I realize that in some moments of personal anguish, I speak or act hastily, thereby hurting the people I love most and pushing them away. I wish I could have the moments back when I was wrong, but at forty-six, I am still learning the whys and how comes and strive to fix the things that matter most. Sometimes I have a resolution, other times I do not. I will forever be a work in progress and I make no apologies for that, rather I feel proud of the small accomplishments I continually make and strive for.

Sometimes you just have to let go to release your pain and move ahead. In the aftermath of a divorce, someone told a story of a woman falling off a cliff that in desperation clung to a small branch to hold for dear life. In the darkness, she knew only to cling to that, but in the light of day realized that had she not struggled so and let go, there was a ledge just beneath her feet that would have caught her fall. I am releasing my grasp. It only causes pain and stagnation. I know that I will fall, but the duration of the fall will be shorter than I expect.

I will never say good-bye to my past; instead use it as a tool for learning. I do have a future. I know not what it brings, only that it will provide me joy and sorrow. Joy to be savored and sorrow for lessons learned.

Find a path and enjoy your journey. It may not be the journey you chose, but it is still your journey with yet more twists and turns.

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6 Responses to “Nevertheless”

  1. Kathy January 6, 2013 at 10:40 am #

    What perfect timing for what I needed to hear! Even though I’m going through my own struggles my own way, I cannot WAIT to read your posts for that extra boost of encouragement and motivation that I get when I read them. They make me smile and they make me cry, but most importantly they make me so proud that you are my sister!!!

    • May Your Soul Stir™ January 6, 2013 at 11:20 am #

      It’s an incredible feeling to know my words inspire ever so slightly, but to know it’s my own sister…precious and priceless.

  2. Dana January 6, 2013 at 5:24 pm #

    Wise words, Cindy. I’m very proud of you and your writing. Your words connect with me and move me. We can wallow and become stagnant in our past or use the experiences to learn from, and move forward in our future. Thank you for your words and inspiration. I needed a reminder and a good kick! I’m excited about your future and mine!

    • May Your Soul Stir™ January 6, 2013 at 5:44 pm #

      That means so much Dana! Thank you…and here’s to letting go and moving up and on.

  3. Bev January 13, 2013 at 9:08 am #

    Cindy –

    About 27 years ago I went through a divorce, I had a 4 year old and a 6 month old. I made much the same decisions, to let go and fall into the arms of Jesus. With His help I raised 2 amazing children, I would go through it all again to have the same 2 children. My baby girl will turn 28 on Thursday, my son will greet me someday at the gates of heaven. 5 years ago I met a very loving understanding man who kept telling me all I had to do is be brave enough to fall again, he would not let me fall. I have been married to this man 3 years now, and I am forever grateful that I let go of my past and let him catch me.

    What a brave decision you made, you will never be sorry. Keep falling into the next adventure, Jesus will catch you.

    In HIs Grace,
    Bev

    • May Your Soul Stir™ January 13, 2013 at 10:35 am #

      I love your words “keep falling into the next adventure”. I’m glad you let love back into your life. Blessings!

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